Michael E. Story
Dear Ron:
As a founding member of the Family Building Institute, I am clearly committed to the concepts that you have developed to help parents continue to build families, prepare for the management of generational wealth and “train a better captain”. With our kids age 18 and 21, the Family Building idea seemed particularly applicable.
Yet I now realize that saying that, and living it, are two different things. It wasn’t until I planned our first Family Building retreat with your help, that I fully appreciated how creating meaningful conversations would impact our parent-child relationships. Thank you for the encouragement and vision that has helped transform the future of our family.
As a first step we chose to plan our family retreat during the Christmas holiday, a time that allowed us great flexibility and freedom. Our initial focus was on finding ways to have fun together, the foundation of the weekend. We began with a four hour private glass blowing class, an opportunity to be creative, learn the cooperation required to mold 2000 degree liquid glass and even walk away with our own hand blown Christmas ornaments - treasures that will always remind us of this great experience.
That evening, we shared a fondue dinner and talked about our family history, the events that formed our family, both the positives as well as the challenges. I am amazed at how simple things like cooking a meal together can lead to profound conversations and deep honesty. My kids recognized that much of my motivation as a parent was born out being abandoned by my father at age 6. It is humbling, yet rewarding to see your children grasping some of life’s more difficult lessons. We finished the evening in agreement that we enjoy each other’s company and looked forward to the events to follow.
The next day we spent time shopping, stopping for coffee, walking the city of Portland and enjoying the holiday lights. That evening we attended “The Nutcracker” followed by dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. It was a full day, even uneventful, yet another installment in time spent together.
The following day involved free time followed by a movie and dinner. The topic of discussion and rules of engagement were set … total openness, honesty, no judgment allowed. The topic was drugs and alcohol, their use and abuse in society. Our kids confided that most of their friends and families do not discuss these issues, opting instead to avoid the topic. Don’t ask; don’t tell. We all agreed that the benefits of an honest dialogue outweighed any of the discomfort that seems embedded in the subject matter. We continue to speak openly about these issues today.
Our final day included the educational portion of the retreat. I invited a personal banker to speak with our kids about online banking, budgeting techniques and Roth IRA’s. After the luncheon, our kids raved about the sushi lunch and gave very cursory feedback to our questions about the financial topics. It wasn’t until 2 months had passed that our 21year old daughter commented that she had been thinking about a Roth IRA and wanted to begin this fall after her graduation from the University of Washington. From small beginnings can come great things.
Ron, it is only a start, the beginning of what I hope is a lifelong journey of discovery. At your suggestion, this year’s retreat will involve more of the structure you have suggested; one of our kids will have a foreman role in the planning, it will take place at an out of town location avoiding the distractions of the familiar. Without question, our first Family Building retreat was a success; a great start to what I hope will continue to be an annual family tradition. Thank you again for your commitment to families, your creative energy, and your passion for helping parents and children build deeper and more meaningful relationships. I look forward to sharing new stories of our 2008 retreat.
Sincerely,
Mickey, Jan, Molly & Peter Elfers